"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do."
- Unknown
"I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why they're called cell phones."
- Unknown
"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
- Isaac Asimov
"If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done."
- Rita Mae Brown
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
- Jack Handey
"I'm not addicted to my phone. I can quit as soon as I finish this level."
- Unknown
"Dear Monday, I want to break up. I'm seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it's not me, it's you."
- Unknown
"The road to success is always under construction."
- Lily Tomlin
"I'm not lazy, I'm just extremely productive at unimportant things."
- Unknown
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
- Mark Twain
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
- Groucho Marx
"Due tomorrow? Do tomorrow."
- Unknown
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it."
- Bob Hope
"I'll procrastinate tomorrow."
- Unknown
"My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror."
- Rodney Dangerfield
"I'm not saying I'm Batman. I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together."
- Unknown
"I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday."
- Unknown
"They pretend to pay us, we pretend to work."
- Anonymous
"I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
- Jerome K. Jerome
"Coffee: because adulting is hard."
- Unknown
"I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it."
- Bill Gates
"Money talks. Mine always says goodbye."
- Unknown
"I'm so poor I can't even pay attention."
- Ron Kittle
"The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
- Oscar Wilde
"I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user friendly."
- Unknown
"My password is the last 8 digits of pi."
- Unknown
"There are only two industries that call their customers "users": illegal drugs and software."
- Edward Tufte
"My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with a good wheel."
- Unknown
"The only exercise I excel at is jumping to conclusions."
- Unknown
"My personality is a mix of "I'll figure it out" and "I'm going to cry.""
- Unknown